He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
