I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
