since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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