if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
