I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
