The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
