when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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