Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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