please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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