Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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