I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
