Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
