my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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