"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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