She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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