for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
birth control should be required to get into college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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