You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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