yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think my tv is drunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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