The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
