4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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