can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Couch. On fire.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
