i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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