Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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