FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
