i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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