My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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