I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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