I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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