Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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