It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
