he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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