I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
