you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
