GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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