What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
