I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
