first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize