She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
