U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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