If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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