My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
