You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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