Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
