Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
