I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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