I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
