i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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