someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
