she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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