Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
