dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
