I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
