You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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