I have demons in me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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