Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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