I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
