We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
